Post Wedding Depression; How to Cope When the I Do’s are Done.

Weddings are not like giving birth. Though both make for what are probably the most special days of your life, women often forget the pain that is associated with giving birth, the minute they hand us our little bundles of joy. It’s the very reason why we go on to have more children. That brief period of pain and discomfort is somehow blocked out by the immense love that we immediately feel for our children. Weddings, on the other hand, may not produce the same harmonious endorphins, at least not for me anyway, which is why I’d probably never be doing that again, at least not to that scale.

Though my wedding was a well thought out and beautifully executed affair, that was well worth my blood, sweat and many many tears, I can remember every painful detail that lead up to it. There were many times that I prayed for it to be over with so my husband and I could just go back to living a normal life that didn’t focus on the needs and wants of everyone else. Much to my dismay, I learned that when planning a wedding, people tend to think that their accommodations, needs, comfort and opinions are paramount to those of the bride and groom.

Our bridal party was literally one huge group of personalities that consisted of six groomsmen, six bridesmaids, two junior bridesmaids, two ushers, and two flower girls. My husband and I were not only overwhelmed by the enormous amount of people to be organized and accounted for but also our busy work schedules, crammed with overtime and extra hours to pay for everything in its entirety. In addition to that, lest us not forget, the guest list that had essentially grew legs and walked right away from us.

Every week my Mother-in-law would present us with new people who should be invited or had contacted her regarding an invitation. We ultimately ended up with 162 guests, 6 of which were not on our guest list and just showed up!!

*****Pulls out bullhorn*****

I SAID…

6 of which were not on our guest list and just showed up!!

 

Call it naivety but I didn’t know that people “show up” to weddings like some backyard bonanza, insert Kanye shrug. Our final count the night before was 156. During the reception, my wedding coordinator came over to tell that there was a bit of a seat discrepancy because the unknown super 6 just sat in other people’s assigned seats. To this day, I don’t know who those additional people were because my wedding coordinator handled the situation very eloquently and wouldn’t allow me to be bothered by it. Overall, our wedding was beautiful, memorable and everything that I envisioned. An event that is still talked about amongst our friends and family to this day. I was very pleased with the outcome but was extremely happy that it was over and we could start our happy life as man and wife.

Though I was happy to be done with the stress that surrounded our wedding and was ecstatic about being married to the man of my dreams, I was very surprised by the feelings that I experienced in the months after our wedding.
I’m not really sure what my initial expectations were for marriage. Our whirlwind courtship, romance and wedding were seemingly diminished into what felt like a mundane everyday life. I began to miss the chaos and mayhem that surrounded the wedding planning. When you’re planning something big like a wedding or having a baby,  people seem to have a vested interest in you on a daily basis. How’s the planning? When is the baby due? How do you feel? I really think I missed the latter. A genuine concern for how I felt. I honestly didn’t know what I was feeling or how to process those emotions. I was essentially depressed but for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why. I had a wonderful husband and we had just moved into a lovely new place. On paper, this was exactly what life should be like and yet I felt like something was missing.
It wasn’t until I started doing the research to explore my feelings that I came across, post wedding depression. It sounded weird but I could totally relate to what was being described. The sadness, loneliness and deflation, they were all side effects of coming off the euphoric high that was my wedding. Finally a legitimate explanation for what I was going through, which may sound silly to some but for those who have experienced it or who are currently dealing with it, it’s very real.

Here are ways in which to cope:

• Be honest with your spouse about how you are feeling. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed by your feelings because that will further isolate you and deepen your depression.  

• Try to focus on the idea of marriage as a whole instead of just the wedding. You married this person because you love them and they are right for you. Concentrate on that and your amazing new life as a newlywed.

• Get out and enjoy life. Whether it be date nights or outings with friends, make time to reacclimate yourself with the old you in your new life.

• Start a new hobby that can give you something to look forward to outside of your marriage. Like a blog for instance!

• If all else fails and you can’t shake the post wedding blues, seek out counseling. Don’t let your feelings fester. We all know that depression is very real and if you can’t move past this on your own or with the support of your spouse, seek out professional help.

Did you experience post wedding depression, if so, what were some of your coping methods?