Laugh After Death
On this day 2 years ago, my father, Willis Milden, went to the hospital, with what we thought was severe flu symptoms and within twenty-four hours he died. 4 days prior, we were together, laughing, talking, and having lunch. Then in the blink of an eye, he was gone. It wasn’t the flu. We were told that he had pneumonia and water on the lungs and he succumbed to respiratory failure, coupled with sepsis. Everything about how he died, resembled Covid but the experts would likely say that the timeline does not add up. Perhaps, I’m just grasping at straws, to give justification to a death that still feels so untimely. My Dad was vibrant and full of life and really had just begun living his best one. 7 months before he passed, we watched him walk across the stage and get his Master’s Degree in psychology. It was something that at the age of 66, he strived for and accomplished. He was crushing his goals one by one, first with getting his GED, then an Associate’s Degree, then a Bachelor’s Degree, then a Master’s Degree. He had hopes of getting his Doctorate but before he could start that journey, he died. I believe he would have been successful at that as well.
Two years later, I have peace but I am not healed. I think of him every day and I still cry every day. He was my father but as I got older, he was also my friend. The one constant that has sustained me is to laugh in the moments that feel the saddest when I think of him. I think of our funny conversations, sarcastic jokes, and all his comical sayings. He was a straight shooter and I found that either you loved him or you didn’t. There wasn’t much middle ground. What makes me happiest when I think of him, is remembering all the joy that he brought to my son’s world, in the 5 years he had him and how my son also did that for him. They spent so much time together and his death was compounded by the fact that my little boy no longer had his best bud.
This is the natural order of life. Your parents should precede you in death but I don’t know that we are ever quite prepared for the void of someone who has been a constant for our entire life, to be gone.
I’m just glad that while he was here, I told him the important things, like I loved him and I was proud of him and on the flip side, he told me the same. He was proud of the woman I have become and was also proud and fond of my husband. Though he thought it was hilarious to tell my husband no when he asked for my hand in marriage, he ultimately gave his blessing and he really admired our relationship and the way in which we love each other.
It’s not easy to lose anyone close to your heart. The pain may threaten to weaken you and on some days bring you to your knees but even after the worst storm, the sun will eventually shine again. But even when it does, grief will still have its ebbs and flows. I implore you to allow yourself to feel it and not rush the process because it’s a lengthy and complicated one. I’ll remind you that through your tears, also remember to smile and laugh when you think of your loved one because it just may be the very thing that will help you through. I wish you God’s speed and peace on your healing journey.
