Practice These 6 L’s, to Keep Your Love and Marriage Thriving

People always say marriage is hard but in all actuality, partnerships as a whole are hard, marriage is just the highest level of that because well, you vowed not to walk away.

Spending your entire life with another human might possibly be the biggest challenge you ever face because people don’t stay the same. At least I hope they don’t. I am not the same person that I was when I was 21, or 25, or even 30. While our core values and personalities traits may remain consistent, we all evolve in some way shape or form. We think better, we do better, we love better, we want more for ourselves and from life, at least that’s how I think and I know that’s how my husband thinks.

Therefore, it’s important to note, that the person you marry or commit to, may not be the same person they were on day 1 that they are on day 1,001. In 9 years of marriage, I’ve  learned that following these 6 L’s for long lasting love, will not only make you happier in your relationship but also help it to endure.

1. Listen
If we’ve learned anything from the presidential and vice presidential debates, it’s the importance of listening and effective hearing. “Excuse me, I’m speaking,” didn’t originate with Kamala Harris, it likely started in the households of many a married person, way back when. Listening to what your partner is saying and really making an effort to understand it, whether it be regarding their feelings, dislikes or preferences, is crucial in love communication. It sets the tone for a safe space for both you and partner to have effective dialogue.

2. Let it Go
I paid $45 for some magical video game toothbrush that kids can use with an app to help them to brush their teeth better. It came with 3 replacement heads and I had used one of them. I walked in my son’s bathroom one day and the toothbrush was gone. Now I’m interrogating my son to find out where the toothbrush is. He says, “Daddy threw it out.” Now before I continue, I’d like to let you know that my husband is a very organized, detailed, purge every 3 months kind of man. Things that are out of place or not arranged to his liking, make his eyeballs itch, so I knew my son was telling the truth and I was livid. I go to confront my husband about said toothbrush and he says as cavalier as one could, with arms up like the what’s the big deal/I don’t know emoji ??‍♂️, “he needed a new one, the bristles were all messed up.”

There are moments in relationships that will send you over the edge. It may be due to financial constraints, infidelity, stress but that $45 toothbrush, catapulted me off the “Snapped” cliff, like you wouldn’t believe. Primarily because he had previously asked me about the frayed toothbrush bristles and that’s when I changed the head, so he was privy to the fact that it was replaceable! Woo! I digress because I am feeling toothbrush rage all over again, so let me finish this point.

There will be arguments and disagreements. You’re  not always going to get along or be on the same page and that’s okay. The real issue is, how long are you going to let that fester?

After toothbrush gate I was radio silent for some good hours, crock pot stewing  but he is essentially my best friend. It’s so difficult for me not to speak to him and takes way too much effort. Therefore, I have learned that talking things out and quickly letting things go will make for a much healthier home environment.

3. Love

No, I mean like really love. Not the superficial you live here, so I know I love you because I said I love you because I love you. Love with intention. Show affection, give affirmation, make your person feel the love, feel appreciated and feel wanted. We are all busy, out here in these streets. Covid, slowed us for a hot minute and then life as we know it resumed but with masks and lots more hand washing.

Let’s take it back to April 2020, when all you could do was look at and love on your partner all day because you couldn’t do anything else.

Quarantine showed me that taking the time to slow down and really see and love my husband was beneficial not only to him as a husband but also to me as a wife.

4. Laugh

Because why so serious? My husband is not silly nor does he engage in the type of crazy shenanigans you get from me. However, his laugh is the best and most contiguous laugh I’ve ever heard. It is an unusual high pitched laugh but when you hear it, you know that whatever you’ve said or done is genuinely funny.

His laugh makes me happy, so while I’m not in my house being Bozo the clown all day, I do try to keep things pleasant and lighthearted, so at the very least, we keep a smile on our faces. A happy home is filled with other  love and laughter.

5. Learn

My husband is filled with random tidbits of interesting, useless, how do you even know that, facts. While I would never take him on a game show regarding pop culture because he’d know nothing, if there were a game show for interesting, useless, how do you even know that facts, we’d not only go, we would win!

My husband is smart and so am I but we have different forms of intelligence. Therefore, we are constantly learning from and absorbing each other’s knowledge. This also extends past book smarts. The other day, I did a photo shoot in some new pajamas. After the shoot, I showered and put on my old pajamas, which was an old maxi dress that I have made into a nightgown.

My husband had additional questions. He wanted to know where the other matching pajamas went. I told him I had put them away and he said he liked them and the fact that they matched and that they were actually pajamas.

Here’s where the importance of laughter comes in because I thought his delivery on what was now pajama gate was hysterical. Needless to say, on that day I learned that my husband likes matching pajamas, that look like pajamas. I heard what he was saying and I’m happy to oblige and get more matching pjs on his credit card, as soon as I can.

6. Live and Let Live

Expect that your partner will be fully committed and engaged in your marriage or relationship but allow them space to be an individual as well. I watch my husband day in and day out, doing, THE MOST. Typically when someone is doing the to most, it’s a bad thing. It’s considered to be extra but in this case, it’s just his mode of operation. From the moment he opens his eyes in the morning he is busy. Working, doing household chores, helping me and our son with school work, helping my Mom with things she needs to tackle, making up jobs that he thinks needs to be done but no one asked him to do.

Needless to say, when the man wants to do some things outside of me, like golf or hang out with a friend, or simply sit in front of the television alone and watch sports, I make sure he is afforded those opportunities and that I encourage it.

People need some independence and free time without their spouse, without their kids, alone or loney baby, as my Dad would say, to connect with themselves. Give your partner the space to live, even if it doesn’t involve you and make time for you to do the same.

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I hope that these tips will be beneficial to you in your marriage or relationship. Please feel free to add any other tips that keeps your love going strong, in the comments.