Happy Spouse, Happy House; 5 Tips for Maintaining a Blissful Marriage

If you’re married, you’re well aware that Rihanna was kind enough to make us a theme song. Work, work, work, work, work, if you’re married then it’s work, work, work, work, work. Like full-time job work, with overtime. The good news for me is that most days my husband makes my work easy and while there can be some hiccups and complications, I’m not interested in quitting.

Now if you’re some mystical unicorn of a couple that never has disagreements, arguments, or differing opinions, please step away from this blog post and bottle your magical potion for the other 99% of the left hand gang. For the rest of us, let’s go through these 5 tips to keeping your marriage on the up and up.

Let the Leader Lead

By “the leader” I’m not necessarily referring to the man. In a marriage, there’s always someone that can do something better or at least take more initiative to do it better. When we built our home, my husband had no clue what wainscotting, shiplap, crown molding and turrets were. If it were left to him we’d probably be in a brown house with brown paint, doors, bricks, and window trim, so all the decisions would be simple. Therefore, I was the lead on that project and though he questioned some of my decisions, he ultimately trusted me to decide what was best. On the flip side, he’s a money guy. He’s always been very sensible about the planning and execution of large expenses, so though I asked many, many, (many x 100) questions,  when he gave the final answer regarding budgeting and monetary allotment, I let him lead and respected his decisions.

Give Each Other Space

My husband and I have always had to deal with time apart. We were in a long distance relationship, I am a flight attendant who’s typically away from home 3 days per week and he now travels for work, for a week once a month. During my pregnancy and maternity leave, we were together every day for almost a year. I have to say, the stress and lack of sleep that accompanies the birth of a child, coupled with not getting the personal space we had become accustomed to, put a newfound strain on our marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I love to spend time with my husband but there’s something to be said for alone time and comfortable silence as well the opportunity to be with your individual friends. When he leaves for work trips, it gives him time to devote all of his attention to his college courses, work projects and hanging with the boys for a drink. When I leave for work, it allows me to luxuriate in my own thoughts, write, have an entire bed to myself and keep the tv on all night, without worrying I’m disturbing him. I promise it’s the little things. While I know that everyone doesn’t have a legitimate reason, to overnight somewhere else other than home on a weekly basis, at least allow your spouse the time to do other things besides looking at your eyeballs all day every day.

Stop Trying to Change Them

If you are in an arranged marriage, please skip to the next tip, otherwise, you know who you married! You learn all about them during their dating internship when you decided to hire them on for a more permanent position. Therefore, the way they were prior to their promotion is likely the way they are now. Stop trying to change the blueprint. I already know that over 20 years of a military career has made my husband just that, militant. He’s organized, he’s a little OCD, he’ll make up the bed in the time that it takes you to go for a tinkle and think that you’re actually going to get back in the bed. After 24 hours there will be an attempt to discard your leftovers and he doesn’t like things in the freezer for over a week. Hey listen, that’s who I signed up for and I deal with those things that drive me crazy. Much like he has to deal with me when I rip the covers back on that neatly made bed to resume my slumber.

 Laugh After Arguments

Yep, we argue. Though the argument or the aftermath of one, don’t usually last long in my house, the person who tries to make things right or essentially takes the L (loss) is usually the one who brings the laughs. It’s part of why my husband is my best friend. Yesterday we argued over something trivial. I asked him to turn the tv down which I could hear in surround sound all the way downstairs, to which I received quite the snippy, “ok.” Well, now I have a raised eyebrow, trying to figure out what’s eating Gilbert Grape? I then get an attitude and it’s still lingering 30 minutes later when he comes down for something to eat. He gets his food and sits side by side with me at the table. I get up and start cleaning nothing. I’m really just moving stuff around to look busy. He finally comes and stands in front of me:

Him: You’re not talking to me?

Me: Nope.

Him: Why?

Me: You were nasty when I asked you to turn down the megaphone that was the tv.

I have a straight face he begins to laugh.

Him: You yelled at me to turn the tv down.

Me: Well after I called you 3 times I figured my low monotone wasn’t going to work. Cue the Roseanne Barr shrill.

No one kept a straight face after that but needless to say, the argument was over. I know all disputes between married couples won’t be so simple and petty but the point is not to let them fester. Have your say, if need be, be the bigger person and take the L and get back to the laughs.

Take Heed of Their Advice

My husband may be the most level headed person I know. His decisions are always rational and well thought out. His responses are usually fair and politically correct. Then there’s me. Not always rational or politically correct. I’m usually the one to say what everyone is thinking but won’t say, the one who can be a tad explosive, a bit frank and a smidge sarcastic. My husband refers to tip #3 and accepts me for exactly who I am, still, he challenges me to do better, be the bigger person, have the kinder heart. At times I am put in situations where I have to think WWJD? The J may stand for Jesus or it might stand for Jermaine. What would Jermaine do in this situation? What would he advise? The person you married most likely has your best interest at heart at all times and would not steer you wrong. They tend to be your biggest supporter, encourager and cheerleader. I think it makes your spouse feel good and appreciated when you actually take their words to heart. Listen and adhere to their words of advice, unless they tell you it’s best that you stop buying shoes. Then all bets are off.

***Insert Laugh Track***

I’m no relationship expert, I’m just a wife trying to take marriage on a day to day basis. Everyone’s relationship is different but I hope these tips can inspire someone else. What are some tips you have for other married couples to stay happy on a regular basis?