Don’t Forgo 90% of a Good Man for 10% of What’s not on Your List
I met my husband on an online dating site. Black People Meet, was the appropriately named site because we are Black and well, we wanted to meet people. If you know me IRL, (acronym for in real life for those that didn’t actually learn that 5 minutes ago, like I did) you know that I looooove and adore my husband. You also know that my husband treats me like a Queen of all Queens. I don’t often complain about anything of any real significance because I live what I consider to be, a very charmed life. Ironically, I could have missed the whole boat of wonderfulness that I luxuriate in now because of “my list”.
You know the list. Must be 6’10, must make 6 figures, must own 6 cars, must not have 6 children or any for that matter and so on. The list is actually a representation of the dreamiest mate you can think of that you will most likely have to scale back from, to ultimately find your perfect match. The list could actually keep you from even taking a first date with who was meant for you.
When I came across my husbands profile on Black People Meet, I looked at it, and thought that he was very handsome. I then scrolled down to his height, which was 5’10 and was like, “nope” and went on to the next profile. Now keep in mind, I am 5’9, so it’s not like he was shorter than me but “my list” called for 6’2 and better. I know, no diving in the shallow end, I was super shallow. What’s even more absurd, is that prior to meeting my husband, I dated someone that was 6’3. Just what I asked for. A tall, lying, cheating, marriage and kids hider, who strung me along for 7 months until I found out the truth and had to throw him the deuces.
Fortunately for me and my fairytale, when you look at someone’s profile on Black People Meet, they can see that you were checking them out. My husband thought enough of me and my height to send me a message and I responded to it. We sent a few emails back and forth and then exchanged phone numbers. After working a flight to Baltimore, I received a voicemail from him saying, “this is the person that will always make you smile, give me a call back.” I called him when I got to my hotel room. We talked for over 2 hours on that phone call and man, it was such a refreshing conversation! I was so intrigued by him. Just when we were about to end our call, he asked me what city my job as a flight attendant had brought me to that evening. When I told him Baltimore, he happily stated that he lived very close to Baltimore airport and much to my chagrin asked if he could meet me face to face.
Throughout the entire conversation, I’d never asked where he lived. I was under the impression that because his profile picture on the dating site was at the Martin Luther King Center, that he lived in Atlanta. Assumptions are always a hashtag FAIL. Needless to say, I was not very enthused about meeting him face to face. I didn’t have anything besides a ratty old cardigan and leggings in my suitcase because I didn’t intend on going anywhere on my layovers. When a girl sees a man for the first time or makeshift date, she wants a little out-fit, a little cute shoe, a little zhoosh! However, the main reason I didn’t care to meet is because I didn’t want this man thinking he was going to come to my hotel room, no no Joe Schmoe, not on my watch. I lead with the no clothes excuse and the fact that I really couldn’t go anywhere but that didn’t get me off the hook. He then said he could just come by the hotel and we could sit in the lobby and talk. Gah!! Persistence. I hesitantly agreed to the lobby luau and I am so glad that I did.
When a girl sees a man for the first time or makeshift date, she wants a little out-fit, a little cute shoe, a little zhoosh!
Our courtship lasted about a year and a half before he proposed. I can tell you frankly, dating him wasn’t always the easiest. We were long distance, with him living in Baltimore and me in Atlanta and we both had to come to terms with knowing that we had met our person. Failed relationships and trust issues held me back from fully committing and for him, knowing that he was truly ready to give up life as a bachelor gave him pause. Throughout it all though, he remained consistent, we were always friends first and he continues to be the person that always makes me smile as he promised.
We all have standards. We all have things that are deal breakers when we date. There will certainly be attributes and personality traits that we simply can not and will not deal with. However, as it pertains to dating and finding love, we should all take the time to really sort out what’s important in matters of the heart. I’m not the greatest cook and my husband is not a handyman but I make sure he eats and he makes sure things that need fixing, get fixed. Even if we need to pay others to accomplish these things, they get handled. Those imperfections are only small flaws that make up who we are, yet we’re still perfect for each other and he almost got away over something so trivial. Don’t block your own blessings. You may not find that millionaire as it says on “the list” but if he makes you feel like a million bucks, isn’t it worth giving someone a shot?
