Bring Back the Love! 5 Ways to Reignite the Spark in Your Marriage

1. Communicate

I think communication is the first step to navigating any relationship, whether it be business or personal. Unless you have mutually agreed to an open marriage, when you wed someone, this one person is now responsible for all your needs within your coupledom. You’re no longer dating, with the ability to pick and choose the qualities and characteristics of different partners. Therefore, it’s important that you tell your partner what you need from them. I remember a few months back, we were so busy with work and our son’s sports activities, that we were not spending very much time together. We were laying in the bed one night and I said to him, “look dude, we need more dates.” Now was that the most eloquent way to express myself? Not exactly but he got the point and we starting going on dates at least twice a month. I think it’s so important to be expressive with your partners and really highlight the things that you need from them. It’s also crucial that you be receptive when you’re on the receiving end of these conversations.

2. Date

I mean, I hate to be crass but Covid-19 has really came through here and tore shit up. We had big plans this summer to get out and see different parts of Atlanta, vacation and date often. When my Mom decided that she would move in with us, I thought is would really give Jermaine and I the opportunity to have chances to sneak away and spend quality time. However, with many places being closed and our comfort level to be out and about still shaky, we have had to resort to unconventional ways to date but we still do it nonetheless. Some nights we will take our golf cart out, with a glass of wine and just cruise the neighborhood or we will sit out on the deck together with wine and talk. The common denominator is, there’s always wine but there’s also an opportunity for togetherness.  I’m hoping restrictions caused by this pandemic will be over sooner then later but be sure to plan or have impromptu dates with your partner as often as possible.

3. Carve Out Time

An official date isn’t the only way to spend time together. Although, I have chosen to take a leave from work and Jermaine is currently working from home, we don’t really spend that much time together during the day. Lately we have been exercising in the morning by taking 3-4 mile walks around the neighborhood. Some mornings, our son Chiefton will come but most days he likes to sleep in, so it gives Jermaine and I an opportunity to talk about so many things. These walks have really made us closer. Also, every night around 7pm, we head upstairs, get ready for bed and typically watch the news or some other program and discuss the shenanigans of the day. These small things have become somewhat of a routine for us. Even in the midst of a busy schedule, carving out time for each other, keeps you connected.

4. Be Affectionate

Sounds simple right? Yet there are times when I forget to kiss my man. It’s not intentional. We’re moving and grooving all day. Things to do, work to get done, blogs to write, child to tend to but take a moment and intentionally go and hug and kiss your person. Rub their back for a few minutes, touch their hand, say I love you, smile, give words of affirmation, like, I am grateful for you or I appreciate the things you do. These small gestures, leave an impression. It makes someone feel your love them for them and understand that you care. Be sure not to lack in affection because affection leads to number 5, my favorite tip.

5.  Have Good Sex

If you’ve followed steps 1-4, then this tip should be a given right? Super wrong. Those things are the catalyst, the jumpstart if you will but there are times that you do all those things and get to bed and you’re exhausted. Thinking maybe I’ll save the sex for tomorrow. Now I’m not going to tell you to plan sex, that would be both boring and predictable. What I am saying is, purposefully make space for that too. With children, jobs, exercising, errands, tasks, responsibilities and given our current climate of uncertainty, it may be difficult to muster up the energy but you have to find the energy because sexual health is as important as any other facets of your relationship. Knowing that, my hip impingement and I both prepare with a little ice and ibuprofen so that Mama can remain sexually stable. Don’t neglect your sexual health friends because it’s one of the beams that keeps your house in tact.

I can tell you right now, marriage is not for the weak. It takes consistent time, effort and diligence, that will far surpass, the whirlwind of the “I do’s.” I hope these tips will give you a head start to really giving your marriage a swift kick in the pants and  the ability to keep those romantic fires lit.