Why Blocking Your Love Blessings is Delaying you From Marriage: Told Through my own Love Story
There are so many ways that I have stepped out on faith in my life and have succeeded. When I agreed to meet a stranger in a seedy hotel in Baltimore, I would’ve never imagined that it would lead to the wonderful life I live now.
Ok, so let me back the story up a bit for those that haven’t heard it before. While I was working in Baltimore that day, I wasn’t in the business of meeting random men at hotels.
My job as a flight attendant, required that I layover there overnight. I had recently joined a dating website and was nearing the end of my paid subscription. I had no intention of renewing the membership because the 2 guys that I met on it were both weird.
The day before heading to Baltimore, I came across the profile of this handsome guy but when I looked at the height of 5’10, I felt that was too short for 5’8 me, so I swiped left, I guess. I don’t really know which way the swipe for no goes because I haven’t done any swiping in either direction for over 12 years but you get the point.
Shallow Hal declined her future because he wasn’t tall enough. Fortunately for me, when you look at someone’s profile, they get a notification and Jermaine then sent me a message. We chatted back and forth on messenger and when he asked for my phone number, I gave it to him and was off to work.
After landing in Baltimore, I had a voicemail from him. Funny thing is, he didn’t leave his name. He just said, “this is the person that will always make you smile.” Ugh super cheesy but I guess he was down with Cleo and the psychic friends because it was the truth.
I returned his call when I got settled at the Sleep Inn. Let me say this, I will love and hate that hotel until the day I die because it was the worst place to stay but look how God put a lemon in that toilet water and made it lemonade. Won’t he do it?
We talked on the phone for about an hour and he asked what I did for a living. I told him I was a certified air hostess or flight attendant if you’re nasty. He then asks, what city I’m in and when I said Baltimore, his voice lit up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. He said, “I live in Baltimore! 15 minutes from the airport, I want to come see you.” In my mind, I’m like see who, potential Norman Bates? You’re not coming here to this Bates Motel sir.
All through our conversation, I thought that he lived in Atlanta, where I lived because his picture on his profile was at a popular Atlanta landmark but I guess that’s what you get for thinking and not asking. You end up getting blindsided like a You storyline on Netflix.
As he’s waiting on my response, I’m thinking of ways to get out of the situation and off this phone call, even though it had been going quite pleasantly. Sensing my trepidation, he says, ” I don’t want to come to your room, maybe we can grab some food or just sit in the lobby and finish our conversation face to face.”
Here’s the thing about flight attendants, some cities we know that we won’t be venturing out to explore the city or do anything fun, so we just bring “layover clothes.” My layover outfit was spandex pants and a ratty old cardigan. Good enough to walk to the microwave and heat up my food in the hotel if need be but not decent enough to hit the town on a first date. I agreed to the hotel lobby option and 20 minutes later, he arrived. I have to say, his height never crossed my mind (oh the insubstantial nonsense we think about when we are single.)
We tore that lobby up with chatter about everything and nothing at all. I had never met a Coast Guard member, he had never met a flight attendant. The conversation was so easy and effortless, like we’d known each other for a long time. Our lives had crossed paths so many times based on us both growing up in New York and attending college at around the same time, him at Morris Brown in Atlanta, me at Clark Atlanta University.
I was intrigued by him. His green eye color was so beautiful but they were also so red and irritated that I didn’t think they were real. I thought to myself, if he’s wearing colored contacts, he might be a little to vain for me but nevertheless, it was a nice evening and I appreciated him being a gentleman and his conversation.
As I walked him to the door when he was leaving, I couldn’t hold it in any longer, so I asked, “are those contacts?” To which he replied, “no, these are all mine.” With that, I gave myself permission to like this man as much as I thought I did.
Do you see how many times in my story, I tried to count him out and for the most superficial reasons. I can look back at that, now that I’m older and really recognize that what God has put forth for you, you can not deny or hide from.
All of our steps leading up to each other were ordered and there was no mistakes in the process. The fact that my dating website subscription was ending and I found him and we were in the same city on that night was not happenstance it was fate. Even with it feeling so effortlessly ordained we still had to fight for our love. I don’t know that he was ready to give the type of love I required and I don’t know that I was ready to give love without being a hell raiser.
Further along in our courtship, I looked for fault in everything he did because I came out of a previous relationship with a low down, dirty, mother-, liar and a cheater and hadn’t learned how to reprocess love in a true form.
Once again, I was looking for an out from being with Jermaine because I wasn’t being patient. In the beginning, he just wanted a friendship but I was ready for a title. You will be my man or naut!
He chose naut but wanted to add a friendship caveat. Yikes. The way my feelings were set up, I couldn’t understand or process why he wasn’t ready to move forward, so I threw the peace sign and was prepared to put him in my rear view mirror.
Bye Felipe! However, just as I was ready to exit stage left, God gave us our first real storm that we had to weather together, we lost a baby.
Right after I gave Jermaine, my marching orders in December 2008, to leave the entanglement we had, I found out I was pregnant.
I was in severe pain that brought me to my knees, when I decided to visit my doctor and she confirmed that the source of my pain was a pregnancy that she didn’t believe would be successful.
We would have to wait and see if my HCG levels increased but in the meantime, if my pain persisted, she told me to go to the emergency room. I walked out of her office feeling lost.
There was so much news to deal with all at once and a possible baby with a man I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be with.
As soon as I got in the car I called him and let me tell you, sometimes men can be really sketchy with pregnancy news, especially if you’re not married or in a solid relationship but Jermaine gave me none of those kill Bill vibes. He only asked, what he could do, way from Baltimore, while I was in Atlanta.
Here’s the turning point, I ended up having to go to the emergency room. The pain was unwavering and I was ultimately admitted. Because it was December 30th and flights were either full or ridiculously expensive, Jermaine got in the car and drove the 14 hours from Baltimore to Atlanta, in a record 9 hours.
He didn’t tell me he was coming and when he walked into my hospital room, my heart was flooded with the kind of joy that I’ve only experienced again when having our son. He had my back in that moment and the best way to show someone that, is to prove it. He proved it.
That pregnancy in 2008, was ectopic and days later had to be terminated but the hours Jermaine and I had together, not knowing if we would actually be parents but making plans as if we were, bonded us. Everything that he promised to do for that baby, that didn’t survive, came to fruition when we had Chief in 2014.His vow to always be a good loving father remains and is doubled down by the exceptional husband that he is.
After that experience our relationship was solidified because we realized we needed each other and were willing to put in the work. He gave me a title and turned down the hell to a simmer. He proposed in May 2010 and we were married August 20, 2011.
As I looked through my wedding photos, on my computer last night, I came across a fully detailed ledger of all the vendors, their invoices and the date that they were paid. Just so we’re clear, Jermaine did that. I also had that same ledger as a paper copy, neatly enclosed in a binder and separated by tabs, he did that too. My husband has the type of OCD, that you either love or hate. I tend to vary between the two. This is who he is though.
I have never known my husband to be anyone other than himself. He serves organization and order at its highest level, thanks to his military background. Most importantly though, he shows up for me in ways that I can’t even describe. He’s an ear, a support system and just an overall well rounded, nice person that goes out of his way for people.
He allows my big personality to shine and lets me be exactly who I am because I’m a constant reel of shenanigans. The best part of being with my husband, is that I feel safe. There is a mental and emotional safeness that allows me to feel secure in our coupledom. I know that he wouldn’t let me fall in any capacity and for that I am grateful.
At times I reflect on life and the decisions I’ve made throughout. I laugh at the thought of not being where I am now because someone who is actually taller than me wasn’t tall enough. We all have preferences and standards and that’s okay but don’t let superficialities, fear or what you think is bad timing, block your blessings and your happily ever after.
