3 Steps to Take When Your Apology Isn’t Being Accepted
We’ve all been there. We did it. We are wrong. We are sorry. However, the person or people who you’ve wronged are not willing to accept your apology.
It takes a lot of maturity to admit when you’ve done something wrong and then to say I’m sorry. It also takes a level of maturity to be forgiving. Depending on what actually happened you may not ever get that forgiveness but when you do your best to correct your wrongs, it’s no longer your cross to bear. It’s left with the person to accept you putting your best foot forward in their time.
If you find yourself in a predicament where you’ve tried to apologize but someone is not receptive, try these 3 things to help to alleviate the situation.
- Put your apology on paper.
That’s right. Write them a letter. Not a text, a letter. Start by expressing how you feel about them and why they have a place in your life and heart. Clearly if you continuously try to tell someone you’re sorry, it’s because they mean something to you, otherwise you wouldn’t care.
Tell them why you’re sorry and why what you did was wrong. If applicable tell them how you’ll change this behavior or action in the future.
2. Give them time and space to process.
I don’t find myself being wrong very often (laughing but very serious) but when I am, it’s usually with my husband. At times it’s hard to say I’m sorry because I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. However, sometimes not listening to and respecting someone’s love language is what makes you liable for an apology. But when it’s explained to me and I do understand and I apologize, I expect for us to move on. Every person and every situation is not wired that way though. There are times when people need to sit with their feelings. That’s extremely uncomfortable for the person who has poured their heart out to make it right but it’s a necessary evil. You have to give them the opportunity to process and revisit the conversation in a few days. I can’t guarantee it’ll be right by then either based on what you did but it gives time for the dust to settle and for cooler heads to prevail.
3. Seek Counseling
This last one is more geared towards marital and family situations. If something is so bad that an apology can’t be accepted with steps 1 and 2, then you likely had bigger fish to fry anyway. There could be other issues that stand in the way of your forgiveness or this was a really big mess up. A neutral party will be able to better facilitate communication between the parties involved, to help reach a resolution.
I hope we have started this new year with optimism and open hearts. While giving an apology and having it be accepted is the ultimate goal, when it doesn’t work out that way, I’m hoping these steps can get things back on track. With that being said there are times when your sorry isn’t gonna cut it. Sorry. Situations don’t always have happy endings but as long as you state your peace, put your best foot forward and make better decisions going forward, you’ve done your part of what you can do and that’s all you can do.
