My Son Said I Should Look Like Beyoncé and That was a Conversation to be Had
Children may very well be the innovators of the term, “keeping it real.” From the mouths of babes comes the most brutally honest, sometimes loving, sometimes downright disrespectful perspectives you’ve ever heard. Most times they mean no harm and are genuinely commenting on how they see life. The filter of the mouth and the ability to think about what you say before you say it, comes with age, experience and in some cases, guidance from your elders. That’s why when my son told me, I should look like like Beyoncé, I knew that was an opportunity to have a chat with him about individuality as it pertains to women.
Now let’s be clear, Beyoncé is definitely a force to be reckoned with. We have all marveled at her beauty, her curves, her ability to drop it like it’s hot, while our knees need the oil can like the Tin Man, from the Wizard of Oz. There’s no mistaking her greatness but aren’t we all great in our own right? I don’t think it was Young Bey who spent 30 hours in labor delivering you into the world son, so let’s not underestimate who your Mama is! Yet and still boys will be boys and my son was indeed mesmerized by her presence in Black is King. It was while watching that, when he turned to me and told me, I should look like her. While I wasn’t offended, I felt it important to explain to him why there was another way to approach his feelings.
Now if you’re like my husband, you may be wondering what the big deal is about that? As my husband put it, “it was innocent, he didn’t really mean it in a bad way.” I agree that this child who really dotes on me did not mean to be malicious or mean but this was still a teachable moment for him.
I know that my son will be the apple of many young girls eyes and I am on a quest to teach him how to be a gentleman now because how effective will it be if I try to do it when he’s a teen? The first rule of respecting women, is doing just that, respect them. Don’t try to make them into someone or something they are not and don’t compare them to someone else. It’s okay, to have a type, it’s okay to like who you like but never ever diminish the individual qualities of one young lady by trying to match her to another. I told Chiefton, “if you think a girl is pretty or talented you can say that but it’s important to remember not to make another girl feel less than because she has different features or idiosyncrasies. I can’t look like Beyoncé because I look like me and looking like me is awesome because I’m beautiful too, as are so many women who look like themselves.”
When I broke this down to Chiefton and my husband, they seemingly walked away as changed men, having a new found understanding of one layer of the inner workings of the woman’s mind. In all actuality though, I don’t think anyone, male or female, wants to be compared to someone else, which is why it’s super important to teach children to celebrate the uniqueness of each person. Imagine how that would help to eliminate sexism, racism, colorism and discrimination when they become adults?
If we have these types of conversations early, we can shift the way in which young people think now, which will ultimately shift their way of thinking when they are older. The bottom line is, I’m all about teaching my son about kindness and ways to execute it. There is a way to say everything but some things are better left unsaid. While it will never be his responsibility to give a female self confidence or self worth because that should start within her, I’m hoping to teach him the ways in which he can promote and support those ideals, to be an overall good man.
What do you think, was this conversation too heavy for a 6 year old? Let me know in the comments.
Feature artwork courtesy of Noelle Rx. You can view and purchase this piece and others that highlight Black beauty and culture on her website and also on Etsy.
