7 Things to Teach Your Small Children, so They Don’t Grow Up to be Big Jerks

Now you know, I really debated on the title of this post because I seek to inform and not offend. However, at the end of the day, if you don’t guide your children and instill good qualities, they have the potential to be really annoying, jerky adults. Considering that I don’t want my child to be deemed as an ass when he’s older, it’s best that I start putting in the work now, to make him the best person he can be.

Yesterday, my 6 year old son Chiefton, walked into my bedroom and randomly started telling me what he was grateful for. His list included, being able to see his Grandma everyday, now that she’s moved in with us, the time he was able to spend with his Granddad, who passed away last year and all the nice things that Mom and Dad do for him. Having this conversation with him really filled me with joy. In the midst of a pandemic, that has kept him from seeing his friends and doing the things he loves, he still has a grateful heart and can specifically point out, things that he does appreciate during this time.

It was a reminder to me that my husband and I have to be steadfast in the lessons we teach him, especially now when he is receptive. It’s my belief, that a young man with such a big name, can not be of poor character. Chiefton, (Chieftain, is the official spelling) means leader of a people or clan. We didn’t choose his name lightly, nor do we underestimate our role in shaping who he’ll become in life. Things that you don’t correct, contain and curtail in a child’s formative years, have the potential to become major issues as they age. By keeping that in mind, we have daily discussions with Chief about a number of things. Easy conversational tones, work best to drive points home to him. At his young age, he’s able to take the information we give him, process it and incorporate it into his everyday life.

Speak of Kindness

When Chief was 4, he attended daycare. There was another child in his class who had Down’s Syndrome. The teacher told me that everyday, when the boy’s mother would pick him up, Chief would help him put his shoes on. A simple, gesture from a child that really touched the boy’s mother because she said most times kids wouldn’t interact with her son. With bullying being so prevalent in schools, we must teach our children to be nice, even when others aren’t and that it is cool to be kind. Teaching children to have compassion for others, just out of the kindness of their heart, not only fosters relationships but opens the door for a mutual reaction from other kids.

Humility

We work hard for the lifestyle that we have, and while it’s a blessing to have nice things, we make Chief understand that possessions do not make you better than the next person. Lead with a humble heart and never allow material possessions to dictate how you treat people. Teaching our kids humility allows them to continuously work towards improvement and not to be complacent, it also allows them to have an understanding that true value comes from self worth and helping others.

Appreciation

Children really think that money grows on trees. Chief wants to know why we don’t have an RV and a pick up truck and a boat or anything else he can think of that he doesn’t equate with a large price tag. I always talk to him about being appreciative for the things that we do have because there are some kids who have nothing. He really couldn’t comprehend the idea of other kids, not having toys or a home or both parents, until we watched the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness, with Will Smith. There’s a scene in that movie, where Will’s character is forced to sleep on a public bathroom floor with his child because they are homeless. Chief was so puzzled by this, he asked how could they not have a house, how could the child not have a bed? I explained that there are times when people fall on hard times, can’t find employment or their financial circumstances change. In that moment, he said “I’m thankful that you and Dad work hard for my house.” We constantly reiterate the importance of gratitude, graciousness and goodwill. Kids should know that there will always be more to get but never forget to be thankful for what you have.

Patience

We are indeed a microwave popcorn society. Meaning, we want things right now. Kids are no different. I watch Chief become frustrated when the Wifi is moving slowly and though I can relate to that frustration, I used it as a teachable moment about the importance of having patience. In his life, things are going to take time to achieve. I want him to understand that in those moments you have to have self control. This has to happen when they are very young. I know some might say, that it’s easier to give a toddler what they want, then deal with a tantrum on the back end but how will that shape your child in the future? They will expect to get what they want and now! When Chief was 2, we were in the mall and he wanted to have his snack. I told him I’d give it to him in the car because we were leaving. He proceeded to throw himself on the ground and started kicking and screaming. I politely stepped over his flailing body and headed to the door, while he was left there making a scene. When he looked up and saw that I had left him there, he jumped up and was now upset that I was leaving. Now let me point out, that I wasn’t going to leave my child in the mall but I also wasn’t going to fall victim to his shenanigans for fear of embarrassment. In that moment, he learned that sometimes you have to wait to get what you want. In other news, he never had another public outburst again.

Sportsmanship

I was watching a clip of rising basketball star whose skills were incredible and the kid was only 7. He was doing all types of tricks and shake em’ and bake em’ moves, for which I do not know the official terminologies because I’m really not a sports fan but the kid was good. As I watched more of his highlight reel, the unfortunate thing that I noticed was his cockiness. Now I know that sports comes with a level of competitive bravado but there’s a fine line between that and complete lack of humbleness. So far, Chief has played soccer, basketball and football and he really has a knack for learning a sport and being successful with it. Before Covid, he was really exceling in basketball but regardless of how good he is at any sport, he has to remain in good character. Be the same enthusiastic team player, whether you win or lose, celebrate your victories without belittling others, lend a hand to help someone up, even if they’re on the other team. Show your kids how to be a good person on and of the court.

Respect

I feel like respect should be a given but it in the world we live in right now, it’s probably best to reiterate it. Ensure that your kids respect themselves, their elders and their friends. Simply put, respect all others. I have taught my son that the most basic thing you can offer someone is respect. Give people eye contact when you speak and answer adults appropriately. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at work and I ask a kid if they’d like a beverage and they don’t look up from their tablet or game, while rattling off a drink and their parents allow this. I wish my son would not pause his activity, to properly respond to someone, who’s trying to serve him. How rude! The other thing that burns my britches is when children respond with “what?” The word “what,” coming from children in response to a question, tends to have me looking like Beetlejuice, when his eyes would get really big. Young people who learn the significance of respect early in life, grow to be better entrepreneurs, employees, bosses, executives, presidents, or whatever they choose to be because they will know how to treat people equally and fairly.

Manners

Manners go hand and hand with respect. Establishing practices and setting high standards in your home, will put children on the right path towards deference. Manners are more than please and thank you. It includes table etiquette, how they converse with others, and managing their personal spaces. By teaching manners, it instills a responsible nature in kids, that will force them to have to use the aforementioned qualities in this post. All these things revolve around one big circle of humanity. If you practice one, it’s almost impossible not to follow through with the others.

While there is no way to determine who our children will become when they get older, if we instill good qualities in them, while their brains are little sponges, it will ultimately dictate the type of personality they will have. I do not have a perfect kid but I do have a little one who strives to do good daily. Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

What qualities are you instilling in your children to prevent them from becoming little beef jerky’s?